Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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