remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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