you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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