I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
