And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
