My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
