he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
