I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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