She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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