he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize