I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
