Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
