As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
