so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize