Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We left the knife in your bed.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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