Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
