and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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