i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
