i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
