i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
