i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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