i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
