I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
