I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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