You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
