You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
