Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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