Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
