He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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