I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
