just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
