oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize