look no pants
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
