Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
