your parents love me but you hate me
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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