After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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