Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
