Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
