i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
