His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
