how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
