You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
