Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
