just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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