I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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