you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
