I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
