I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
