I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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