he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
