There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
