Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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