it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
