Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
