so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I can't turn off my feet"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You left your phone here
Wait...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
