I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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