I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
