I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
