The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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