So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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