The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
