is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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