I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
