It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize