i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
