i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
