I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
