I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
